I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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