y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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