New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
