He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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