Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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