the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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