Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
