listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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