Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
