Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
