I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize