If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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