my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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