Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize