I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
40s are totally the cure
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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