At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
