She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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