I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
