also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
someone owes me an orgasm
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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