He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
