I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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