So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
