What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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