I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
