we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
