its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize