Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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