I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
