I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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