she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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