he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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