You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What a dumb baby whore.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
