I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
