Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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