i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
