Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
