Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
