is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
