Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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