no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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