you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
