i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
