A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
