Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
