i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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