apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
