I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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