apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
