smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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