I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
