He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
