Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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