I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
