I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I sprained my soul last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
