and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
