i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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