yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
