You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
