Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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