Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
