He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
