I puked a lego.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize