so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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